Understanding Trauma and Treatment

Have you experienced something that made you feel scared and helpless?

• Did that experience change the way you view yourself, your relationships, your life, and the world?
• When you remember the event, do you feel shame?
• Do you sometimes feel you’re different from other people because of that experience?
• Do you get repetitive thoughts and flashes of images connected to that event?
• Do you find it hard to relax in your body? Are your muscles often tense?
• Do you get depressed or anxious or feel isolated?

Going through traumatic experiences can make people feel some or all of these things. Perhaps this has been true for you.

Maybe you’ve tried many things to “get over” it. Perhaps you’ve done things just to escape painful memories. Maybe you’ve entered into relationships, or jobs, or done things for others because it felt good, and for a while they helped you forget. Or perhaps you’ve made choices that didn’t help you in the long run, but at the time it was a way to cope. Maybe you’ve even scolded yourself; told yourself that it’s way past time to move on. That it’s in the past and it shouldn’t bother you anymore. And maybe you’ve heard that from other people, some of whom may be really close to you. They care but they feel helpless that you’re going through a lot. And some of them may be frustrated because they think you’re “stuck.”

It can feel like you’re not connected to your body. Many have coped with the traumatic incident by numbing themselves from pain. This could help people get through life, but the downside is that emotions aren’t felt fully. And when you’re not aware of pain signals, you keep going and going until you can’t anymore. Somehow you know that there’s more to life than just surviving.

For some, emotions can feel like too much. Fear gets too big. Passion may feel out of control. Sadness can feel overwhelming. Anger can be constant. It can feel as if you don’t know or understand yourself.

Being in the grip of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can feel hopeless.

TRAUMA TOUCHES MANY PEOPLE’S LIVES

On the low side of estimates, an estimated 8% of Americans at any given time struggle with PTSD symptoms. That’s 24.4 million Americans. On the higher side of estimates, 70% of American adults (223 million people) have experienced at least one traumatic experience, and up to 20% of them develop PTSD symptoms (approximately 47 million people).¹

While these numbers may be surprising, it can also have an unintended effect. Many people with PTSD feel they’re different from others, but in reality they’re not. When you realize this, you may not feel quite so alone.

BUT CONTEXT CAN MAKE PTSD MORE DIFFICULT

If the traumatic incident you’ve experienced was in the context of family or trusted relationships, it can be even harder.

Perhaps you have memories of molestation. Approximately 20%-25% of children in the US are sexually abused before turning 18 years old.² Approximately 60%-90% of child sexual abuse survivors don’t tell, so the actual number could be much higher.³ At times the sexual abuse follows emotional, or verbal, or physical abuse, or all of them. 90% of the time, the children know the perpetrator.⁴ It can be someone’s cousin, sibling, uncle, teacher, coach, parent, grandparent, religious leader, or neighbor. It may have been the mother’s boyfriend, or the family friend whom the child had known all her life. Sexual abuse can happen with or without touching, but it is always in order to use the child to sexually gratify the adult or older teen. Some perpetrators want to get a physical response from the child and when that happens the child experiences even more shame, and may feel that her body had betrayed her. When the abuse comes from someone who should have been protective, the child starts to believe that he or she isn’t worthy of protection. If other adults don’t believe the child when she seeks help, the child starts to think that people can’t be trusted. Or that she’s not deserving of being believed and helped. That there’s something inherently wrong with her. Children could carry these beliefs into adulthood unless they get help.

If they don’t, it may cause them to look for love in the wrong places. If you believe that you’re not worthy of protection and care, you may find yourself in relationships that confirm this belief. An experience of child sexual abuse increases the likelihood of the adult survivor being in a relationship with intimate partner violence.⁵ Or you may avoid relationships that make you feel vulnerable. Some adult survivors carry an armor of self protection. It can be an armor of anger, cynicism, or being controlling. It can be a shield of busyness. It can be a thick bubble of numbness. Being in authentic and supportive relationships is one of the most powerful ways people can heal, but it doesn’t happen in any of the scenarios above.

If any of these situations resonate with you, I can say this with confidence: there is hope.

TRAUMA COUNSELING CAN HELP YOU REGAIN YOUR LIFE

Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum but in the context of relationships. In the same way, healing from abuse happens in the context of relationships. At Ninonuevo Consulting, when people begin the counseling relationship, my first step is to build a relationship of safety. My goals in this stage are to instill hope, build trust, and transmit to people that they are worthy of care and compassion.

Even though trauma is a weighty experience and involves a lot of work, I approach trauma counseling with optimism. Why? I’ve helped hundreds of survivors since 2005. This is my calling, and the fuel for the work is a passion to help people move from feeling like victims to survivors to thrivers. I’ve seen it happen too many times to lose optimism. If you’re willing to work on the trauma symptoms and to commit yourself to the journey, I can help you.

In our sessions we will look at your specific concerns, needs, and wishes. We will pinpoint your big picture: what goals do you want to accomplish in our work together? Although trauma experiences happen to many people, every person is unique and priorities are varied. Perhaps you want to focus on regaining your body first. Or maybe your first goal is to feel safe in your relationships and friendships. It may be that you struggle with irritability and lack of focus. Some may want to work on stopping the constant daydreams that affect the way they function daily. For others it’s about understanding themselves and learning coping skills that are helpful not just in the present, but in the long run. For others, minimizing their feelings of anxiety or sadness are the first goals. I’ll help establish the baseline of symptoms so we are both very clear on where you are at the start of counseling, so that in the future we could look back and measure your progress.

Once these goals are clarified and prioritized, we’ll move into strategies and skills that will start helping you immediately if you’re consistent in doing them. Research has shown that people who commit to working regularly on their goals in and out of the counseling room are those who show the most improvement. If you’re not willing to practice the skills and apply the insight you’ve gained during sessions into your daily life, I am not the trauma counselor for you. If you choose to work with me, our counseling relationship will be one in which we both persevere and work towards your goals.

Depending on your needs and goals, I will use various techniques and approaches to help you. For some, one or two approaches are a perfect fit. For others, it can be a combination of trauma focused talk therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, and creative interventions. Some people really connect with Integrative Trauma Therapy. Others respond very well to a mix of Trauma Art Narrative Therapy, and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavior Therapy. (If you want to learn more about these approaches, please see "Therapy Techniques.")

In short, the philosophy for helping survivors at Ninonuevo Consulting isn’t “one size fits all,” but rather to tailor the approach and techniques to each unique person’s needs and goals.

Periodically we’ll look at your symptoms level so we can both rejoice at the progress you’ve made, and analyze how you may learn and even gain from slips and dips. This is a journey after all, and journeys have valleys and mountaintops. I will be there to help you through the valleys and encourage you with the reminder that valleys are only temporary spaces.

When you work with a compassionate, experienced counselor who understands and listens to you, who will cheer you on when you’ve taken steps and transmit hope when you feel discouraged, you’ll realize that healing is possible.

But you may have more questions about counseling.

ISN’T COUNSELING EXPENSIVE? WHY DO COUNSELORS AND THERAPISTS CHARGE WHAT THEY DO? CAN I AFFORD THIS?

Those are all valid questions, and it’s worth spending time exploring them one by one.

First, trauma counseling is an investment in yourself. In your healing. In your life. An investment is something that pays dividends over time, and people usually identify how their lives would be different when their investments have paid off. To see how this could apply to you, it would help to imagine how your life would be different when you’ve accomplished your goals in counseling. How would it look when a feeling of shame is no longer a constant? Is that worth investing in? Is learning who you are and how you can not just survive but be a more resilient, possibly more loving person worth the process? Would it be a worthwhile investment to know deep down that you’re not alone? How would it look like to be in an emotional space where you can pursue healthy, caring relationships in which there’s equal give and take between people? What would your life be like if you don’t have to constantly battle painful memories and flashbacks? How would it feel when you’ve regained the connection between your mind, body, and emotions? When you consider the answer to this first question, the emotional, mental, physical, social, and even spiritual toll that trauma takes on you should be weighed against it.

Second, experienced counselors are those who have already invested in years of training and continuing education. It’s not enough to have a graduate degree - it is the bare minimum. Trauma work is a field in which interventions and techniques are continually developed and researched. Those of us who are committed to being the best trauma counselors they can be for their clients’ sake never stop learning. This is true of every specialist worth their salt. When people meet with me in sessions, they’re gaining not just from the time in our sessions, but from years of experience, acquired skills,and the combined wisdom of all those I’ve trained with and learned from. The experience and skills of a counselor who has helped hundreds of survivors for over a decade is at a much higher level than of those who acquired their graduate degrees a few years ago. I went into this field knowing I was called to be a trauma counselor to abuse survivors, and I’ve applied myself to the task with joy since acquiring my graduate degree in 2004.

Lastly, only you know your financial landscape. But if you’ve been reading this, it tells you that you’re already emotionally invested in the pursuit of healing. There’s something inside you that wants change. It’s not enough anymore to just keep putting one foot after the other. You want things to be different. You want to really live. Can you afford for things to remain the same, or is it time to invest in your healing?

IS THIS FOR YOU?

This is for you if…

• You experienced past abuse and you’re not in an abusive relationship
• You were recently involved in an abusive relationship but no longer with that person
• You experience some or many of the symptoms mentioned above
• You want to make positive changes in your relationships
• You no longer want trauma to affect your self esteem and daily life

If you’re willing to invest your time and resources for your healing, we can help you.

This is not for those who are currently in abusive relationships. Why? The first and most important factor in trauma healing is to be physically and emotionally safe. It will be very difficult for your mind and body to recover from traumatic stress if: after you leave the safety of a counseling session you return to a relationship or environment where more traumatic incidents are likely to happen. You would not experience much healing through counseling if the abuse is ongoing. Instead it’s most important to seek safety first, and we encourage you to see the links below for resources so you could get help.

HOW YOU CAN TAKE THE FIRST STEP

If you’ve read this far, it could be a sign you’re ready to take the first step. If you would like to learn more or if you have other questions about trauma counseling, I’m available to meet with you for a free 30-minute online consultation. Please schedule it here: